Statistics and Instagram Inspiration

I'm not really sure what to write this time. My perfectionism demands me to write an inspiring post centered around one specific theme, but I can't seem to decide what that theme should be. How could I summarize the past 2,5 weeks? Perhaps I should provide some statistics... Okay, here they are. In the past 17 days, I:

...have entered a McDonalds 6 times

...have eaten at McDonalds 3 times

...have eaten an entire roll of cookies

...have eaten 1,5 bar of chocolate

...have had a nutricious breakfast 16 times

...went to the grocery store 4 times

...have approximately eaten 25 pieces of fruit

...have cooked myself dinner 13 times

...have had 2 total cheat days (including binge eating and wanting to give up)

...have been on a scale on 3 consecutive days

Also, doubts about whether I will ever be happy with my body have entered my mind, troubling my initial goal of taking things very slowly and celebrating every tiny victory. 

I don't know I'm the only one trying to grasp this, but what should the ratio acceptance : improvement be? Scrolling down my Instagram feed, I come across everything from (in my eyes) extreme fit addicts to extreme body positivists. And to be honest, I am intrigued by both. Seeing a 300-pound-girl wiggle it in her bikini, while declaring she doesn't give a shit about the haters, makes me want to be her. Next week, I'll have to wear a bikini myself, as I'll be going to the south of France for holidays. I NEED to see that I'm not the only big girl in the world and that it's perfectly acceptable for me to wear a bathing suit, dance my ass off, and feel confident in my own skin. 

At the same time, though, I can spend hours searching before/after picture of people who used to look exactly like the girl I described above. Somehow, I NEED to know that it is possible to change your appearance like that. These people all tell the same story: 'I though I was happy before, but really, I was just scared to make this commitment. Now I'm all fit & happy and get up at 5 every day to bust my ass at the local gym and really, that's making me a better person'. Though I dislike it, I can't deny that I'm attracted to their new and improved bodies, and that it fascinates me to see their six packs appear.

But here's the confusing part: how can these two goals coincide? I guess finding my own answer to that question is part of my process. In the ideal world, I'll learn to love my body completely and that will trigger me to take amazingly good care of it. Right now, that isn't the tiniest bit motivating...

Luckily, my sister and I joined forces on our Pinterest board. We call the pins on it our "motivational mantras". Interested in receiving your daily dosis of motivation? Click on this link and "follow" the board! :)